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[BearFic] A Good Bear Is Hard To Find

February 12, 2009 1 comment

[I haven’t written a BearFic in quite a while.  So, I decided to randomly mix up a couple of photos I’ve collected from my online journeys as well as photos from Renaissance Faires I had attended and create some semblance of story out of them.  Even if my story gets a thumbs down, I hope that I will have made it up by posting these loverly bearish images for your viewing pleasure…]

A Good Bear Is Hard To Find
-Random BearFic-

I’m not quite sure what day it is, nor month, nor even year.  All I know is that my head hurts like a mother and I seem to be in some sort of outdoor circus.  It’s a lovely day, that’s for sure, where I could taste the hickory flavor of burnt barbecues and get drunk from various mixtures of liquor and beer.  More than likely, I’m drunk and I just do not know it.

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A stocky and grizzly man stops me in my tracks.  “Halt!” he orders, while I stare at his golden brown locks.  “Join me in our festivities, young man and aid me in drowning my sorrows over a good cup of mead!”

Sure, why not? I tell myself.  I enter his tent and I watch him wrestle with his drunken self as he tries to sit cross-legged on the ground.  I assist him as I smell his sweat from wearing such ridiculous clothing that appears to be five layers thick.

“My liege,” (for I’m not quite sure what to call him) “methinks you should rest easy and remove thy pesky robes for it is hot and the tent is oh so cool.”  I believe I giggled.

He then falls on his back, spilling his mead all over his robe.  In an instant, he begins snoring.

I am tempted to disrobe him as I am painfully curious to see what was hidden beneath that heft.

But I decide against it and remove my shirt instead to clean the beautiful grizzly bear up.

And as I leave the tent and turn around, I see him completely naked and only completely dressed by his natural thick fur.  He walks up to me and gently kisses me on my right cheek.

“Thank you,” he says as he slowly disappears within a haze of smoke.

“That’s a bit strange,” I tell myself.  “Probably some sort of trick.”

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While walking out, a younger man of spectacular girth meets me.  “Fancy sparring with me?”

Sure, why not? I tell myself.  He gives me a pole with protective foams on both ends.  I believe I giggled.

Now, being twice as light as the young bear, I am quicker on my feet.  I hit him on his belly multiple times but I do not hit as hard.  He realizes this as he yells, “Harder, lad, harder!  Hit me with all of your might!”

I listen to him until he falls on his back.  The crowd around me screams for blood while the warrior bear lies helpless on the ground.

Again, my sex throbs in pain.  How I want to just dominate the large man and tear his costume apart.

But I decide against it and remove my pants so that I, too, am humiliated from the fight.

And as I walk away, equally beaten and shamed, I see him completely naked and only completely dressed by his natural thick fur.  He walks up to me and kisses me on my left cheek.

“Thank you,” he says as he slowly disappears within a haze of smoke.

“I must learn that clever trick,” I tell myself.

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Shirtless and pantless, I see a husky man entertaining the public with a toy catapult.  It costs 1 gold to play but as I have left my pants somewhere, I do not have any funds.

The husky bear calls me and offers that I play the game for free.  “There is a catch, though.” he says.  “You must completely soak me with these water balloons first.  It’s fairly easy as I will be standing about three feet away from you.  If you don’t hit me at least once, you will owe me a hundred gold.”

Sure, why not? I tell myself.  He gives me 100 water balloons.  I believe I giggled.

He then stands approximately three feet away from me as he extends his arms and legs apart.  “You may commence.”

I do commence but I do not hit him.  Instead, I drench the Gentle Ladies of Camelot, the Mosaic Bards of the Common West, and the Lost Tribes of Myceria.

And as I kneel in front of him to offer my service of servitude for I do not have a single gold, I see him completely naked and only completely dressed by his natural thick fur.  He walks up to me and kisses me on my lips.

“Thank you,” he says as he slowly disappears within a haze of smoke.

“This is getting stranger by the minute,” I tell myself.

classic-strongman

As I walk through the grassy knolls, a large bald man blocks my way.

“Am I too good for you?” he asks me demandingly.

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“See these biceps?  Are they not to your liking?  See the fur on my chest?  Are they not furry enough?”

And the more I look at him as he flexes his muscles, I notice that he resembles the drunken grizzly bear.

bear-at-parade

My head aches even further so I run away until I can not run any further.

In my way is a mob of large men of varying sizes.  One, in particular, catches my eye.

He then sees me as he pushes away through the throng of bearish men.

“Am I too good for you?” he asks me demandingly.

“Are you ashamed of me?  Do I frighten you among these other people?”

And the more I look at him, I notice that he resembles the bear warrior.

bear-at-carnival

I refuse to answer his questions so I run away, my head hurting even more.

I then hit a large man who’s purchasing some drinks.  I cannot help but stare and admire his beautiful build.

“Why do you resist?  Why can’t you accept who you are?”

And the more I look at him, I notice that he resembles the husky bear with the catapult.

punch-belly

With my mind reeling, I run away.  I run until the moon is within my view.  All I see is darkness except for a small dot of light in the distance.

I walk towards it and see a lone arcade machine where a parody of a large and brutish man stands waiting to be punched in the belly.

I tear up, not knowing why, and proceed to punch it on the belly.

I punch and punch and punch until my fists are red.  And I punch some more until I briefly see this image:

wrestler-fever

* * * * *

“Hey there, wake up.”

I wake up shivering and soaking from sweat.  I look around me and it appears that I seem to be in some kind of hospital tent.

“Are you feeling better?” a nurse asks me.

“Yes.  Just had the weirdest dream.”

“No stomach pains?”

“No.”

“Good.  Good.  Here, drink some water.”

I drink the water and it refreshes me.  As my vision clears up, I notice that there are many female nurses in the tent.  Many.  Way too many.

They are whispering at each other while they stare at me.  I only hear bits and pieces, such as “He’ll do” and “I should go first” and “I hope we bear boys.”

I realize what’s going on.  What a cruel joke this is.  I call my nurse and request for a larger female first.

Also, a blindfold.

Shirtless Saturday: OMG! Screenshots Of The Turkish Bears In A Bath From The Halls Candy Commercial

January 31, 2009 9 comments

The very day I posted and asked about the burly Turkish bearish men from a Halls Candy commercial, a kind soul by the name of Michael emailed me screenshots from it!  Even though I was searching for a video, I was more than willing to repay him for his generosity.  Alas, he’s stubborn as a bull.  -_^  Seriously, friend, thank you very much!

To me, this Halls commercial is 30 seconds of pure homo fantasy.  Picture a dad skiing with his two kids.  Suddenly, he suffers from a runny nose and starts coughing, thus ruining his children’s vacation.  He then takes a Halls Candy (debatable if it’s truly a candy, but that argument is for a different blog).  The vapor action goodness of the candy’s menthol eucalyptus whisks our daddy away to a Turkish bath and ends up seating between two burly Turkish men wearing only a towel.  The burly men then educates the “little” dad how to inhale and exhale properly.  And if you watch closely, the dad is overtly ecstatic about the whole metaphor-thing-coming-to-life business.  His kids then disrupt him from his fantasy sequence as our daddy skis away with a big smirk on his face.

Well, okay, so it wasn’t all that homoerotic (plus I’m not sure if I had accurately remembered it), but you gotta admit that it’s a tad bit homo just by looking at the screenshots.  And, also, why was he wearing pajamas in a spa?  Note how his hands are clasped together while covering up, oh, I don’t know…  MORNING WOOD???!!!  Uh, yeah, sure…

turkish-bears-halls-01I have no clue who they are; so I’ll hereby baptize the bearded, unibrow wonder
as Brian Blessed, while the other as Speed Racer’s dad, John Goodman.

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Shirtless Saturday: Football Biggins

September 20, 2008 5 comments

The title of this edition of Shirtless Saturday is in honor of one of my early favorite websites ever: Football Biggins.  It’s a photo site “dedicated to the often overlooked hogs in American football.”

Gawrsh, what a sweet gig she has…

So, today, I have compiled some shirtless photos of football bears, chubs, and their equally handsome fans.  Enjoy the delicious pork and beef on display…

This is actually not football-related, but I did find it on a football-related site.
Does that count?  More importantly, does that matter?  ^_^

Anyway, I only posted that really because it reminded me of these fantastic screenshots of the retired NFL player, Tony “The Goose” Siragusa, enjoying his big sexy body under the sun…

Oh, come on.  What a tease!

The Goose is not shirtless here, but they’re just some of my old collages of this gorgeous athlete.

Doesn’t he resemble John Goodman on the top-right?

Pittsburgh Steelers’ nose tackle, Casey Hampton
Hmm…  Can we please order more Belvedere for that hot musclechub?

Original photo from BigJilm84’s Flickr Page

I’m not sure who they are, but the original title of the photo is “JH-BYU Media Day 3″…
Either way, this is what you would call “Shirtless Football Porkers.”  😛

I raise your “Shirtless Football Porkers” with the “Shirtless Football Beefers”
Fortunately, I would have to go all in, as I prefer the meatier and tastier porkers.  -_^

I’m not quite sure what this lady is doing to Frank Winters, but it definitely
has brought to my attention that I should have had chosen this profession!

Former Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre, right, jokes with Frank Winters
during a news conference before the Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame induction
banquet Saturday, July 19, 2008, at Lambeau Field in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

Here’s a shirtless NY Giants’ fan who has managed to give me a *boing*
just on the folds and curvatures of his belly alone.  I give up!

Finally, here’s a photo that I did find from Football Biggins a few years ago…
I wonder who he is, and I wonder if he ever made it to pro…

Shirtless Saturday: Various Strongmen In All Manners Of Undress

September 13, 2008 27 comments

Looks like a Fishbone song (“Sunless Saturday“) has inspired me to create this particular Saturday theme: “Shirtless Saturday”…

So on this Shirtless Saturday, we find a couple of shirtless behemoths involved in the wonderful world of Strength Athletics, more popularly known as Strongman Competitions…

I found most of these photos from a long-running blog that I just recently uncovered: Mature & Bear Men Hideaway (it has a plethora of full frontals, so this blog is NSFW).  The author tends to prefer the muscular and “smaller” (subjective, of course) bears while I tend to get attracted to the “bigger” and “chubbier” types…

Ah, yes, the bullgoon model, Gerard Benderoth, in all his bulky & sweaty glory

The thick, wide, & massive Ukranian, Vasyl Virastyuk

*boing* That’s right, I went there.  -_^
I mean, c’mon, Grant Higa and Matty Parkes?  Woof-dee daisy!

HELP!  Who are these beautiful massive men (especially the big bear on the right)?

Irek Kuras is in need of a clean up…  Any volunteers?

HELP AGAIN!  Vladimir Kalinichenko is unfortunately clothed in the photo,
but who are the other three (especially the big bear on the right)?

As for the final two photos, I know that the strongman on the very right is Alexander Pekanov.  But, dear Lord, who is that handsome furry bear on the very left?  *boing boing* indeed!  -_^

[Related Posts – Unknown]
[Related Posts – Gerard Benderoth]

[Related Posts – Vasyl Virastyuk]
[Related Posts – Grant Higa]
[Related Posts – Matty Parkes]
[Related Posts – Irek Kuras]
[Related Posts – Vladimir Kalinichenko]
[Related Posts – Alexander Pekanov]

[SubBearSive] Happy Bear-ster Egg Hunting

March 23, 2008 2 comments

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Look at this first… then look at the next picture:

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Big “Thank You!” to Sam for sharing this in Brotherhood of Bears.
Sam is the owner of the amazing SDW Media.

Let’s see: Woofy bald musclebear.  Bondage.  Wearing just briefs.  Mythic anthropomorphic artistic bad bunnies painting on musclebear’s “eggs.”

Wow.  Now that’s an Easter celebration I could boogie down with…  And to continue my SubBearSive Happy Easter greetings, here are some more egg hunting festivities…  😉

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That Referee sure does have a nice view of things…

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Early design concepts for the Vibrator

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Vegan Popeye finally realized that sausages provide better
sources of nutrition than spinach.

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Warren Sapp loves the football…

[Related Posts – Warren Sapp]