Dear ESPN Magazine: OMG. Thank you!
I was pretty harsh on ESPN Magazine’s 2010’s “The Body Issue” when Steven Holcomb’s godly physique was digitally altered. However, thanks to GE, he pinpointed me to ESPN Magazine’s “The Body Issue 2009: Battle Scars” which featured a close-up of Casey Hampton’s magnificent belly. Needless to say, seeing an almost-nude image of Mr. Hampton is an excellent way to win someone like me over — even though this was shot a year before the Holcomb-Gate fiasco. ^___^
Here is the link to the Flash Gallery of “The Body Issue 2009: Battle Scars”:
I can’t seem to embed this ESPN video, but you can briefly see him in an interview with all of the athletes — including Randy Couture — involved in that photo shoot.
Unfortunately, the Pittsburgh Steelers did not win the SuperBowl this year, so we’re gonna miss out on seeing a shirtless Casey Hampton at a SuperBowl Parade… 😦
The NFL is currently in a sticky bind trying to create a balanced and fair “harsh penalty” for players who would flagrantly hit and intentionally harm other players [ESPN]. I have been following this news and it basically resembles any workplace where management has no clue whatsoever what their employees would go through in their respective jobs. A frustrated defensive player who is being forced to make a split-second decision about the safety of his opponent is no different from any corporate America employee being told by management what to do when they haven’t even experienced their employees’ jobs firsthand at all.
In short, a sure-fire way to have a disgruntled employee is to make his or her job difficult. That’s pretty much the case with any human interactions, whether it be in sports, work, school, and, well, anything else.
However interesting that may be (lol), I am far more concerned with a much sinister and heinous argument that just might bring the NFL to even lower depths: people complaining about the increased exposure of armpits on the football field!
Paul Lukas has a hilarious commentary in his “Uni Watch” segment in ESPN.com called “Simply stated, these jerseys are the pits”:
Of course, being an Armpit Aficionado I am completely against his rally cry against the increased exposure of armpits in the NFL. To combat this, I will selectively choose some of Mr. Lukas’ points so that I could easily contradict him.
Let us begin our battle of “pits,” shall we?
But some players have been pushing the sleeveless style past the limits of visual propriety. For years, the poster child for this look has been Chris Hovan, who’s basically had his jersey tailored like a tank top, revealing more of his body than Uni Watch (or, most likely, anyone) wants to see.
Au contraire, Pepe Le Pew. The NFL is stacked to the brim with magnificent and imposing behemoths whose muscular and stocky builds are completely encumbered by needless jerseys, shoulder pads, and helmets. These men are our living mythical giants who, on any given Sunday, push their strengths and endurance to the limits for our entertainment. They are the wonders of our modern age, gladiators of a brutal sport, and the glue that binds people together as well as a polarizer of cities & communities. That being said, it would be totally awesome if football players were just shirtless. So, yes, there are people out there who actually respect and admire the human form. If a football player like Chris Hovan tailors his jersey like a tanktop, then that’s just a bonus for us fans and non-fans alike. Yes, there are people out there who appreciate Hovan’s armpits. As much as you probably enjoy watching the Lingerie Football League.
3. Ixnay on the exflay. Tired of the recent trend of players flexing like bodybuilders? That’s yet another byproduct of the faux sleeves. Wouldn’t be happening if the players’ upper arms were covered.
Seriously? Your number 3 reason for banning exposed armpits is because it would cause more football players to flex their muscles? And let’s just say that it’s true that all men in the world who wear sleeveless shirts severely suffer from Acute-Muscle-Flexing-Syndrome-Because-I’m-Wearing-A-Wifebeater, then what exactly is wrong with that? Men, especially men of the bigger variety, have the right to be proud of their bodies and strength. Of course there is a time and place to do so, in regards to sportsmanship versus showmanship, but please don’t blame the sleeveless jersey for causing men’s inherent desire to display their Alpha Maleness.
Okay. Now that I have conveniently avoided responding to Mr. Lukas’ finer & compelling points, let me pleasantly end my needless rant with a cavalcade of photos of Chris Hovan’s magnificent and spectacular armpits…
And to end on a finer rose-scented note, here is the Hovan family… Wow. I just love this image.
I’ve posted about Richie Incognito quite a few times. You guys can’t blame me as he is one magnificent specimen of a stunning football biggin. And I must post this today because we actually have a video interview, ladies and gents… (He talks about last year’s incident when he taunted the St. Louis Rams’ fans after their 27-3 loss to the Chicago Bears.)
[Related Posts – Richie Incognito]
Now if there is a face that makes you want to describe as a “bullgoon,” then my dear friends that above photo of Stephen Peterman is a perfect example. I finally got to know who he was; I once posted his “unknown” photo here: Sometimes, You Just Wanna Say “Awwww”… But as a refresher, here is that unknown favorite photo again…
Speaking of LSU Tigers, chubby wonder twins John Goodman and Paul Rae are huge fans.
Stephen Peterman was then drafted by the Dallas Cowboys but he is currently playing for the Detroit Lions. Speaking of which, Detroit just got their first win yesterday, ending their 19-game losing streak (they haven’t won since December 23, 2007).
I’ve posted about Casey Hampton before, but I had to save his awesome shirtless photos just for this day. But before we continue, here’s a video of the massively beautiful and shirtless Casey at the SuperBowl XLIII Champions Parade.
The above video of Pittsburgh Steelers’ defensive tackle is unfortunately blurry, so here’s a short interview of the big guy. He might not be shirtless, but he’s got to be viewed as clearly as possible.
And as we resume our regularly-scheduled program, here are the amazing shirtless photos of our deliciously chubby football player that my great friend, D.T., has found and shared for us…
And if you are looking for more photos of this handsome bear, let me direct you to the Flickr Hive Mind. I am so obsessed with this Flickr feature that I’ve lost sleep over it. Experiment with differing keywords when you’re “researching” for our spectacular biggins; who knows what awesome discoveries you’ll find…
No funny jokes nor innuendos here. It’s awesome to know that Jeff Saturday is supporting a good cause to raise awareness and money in finding a cure for breast cancer. Thank you to Clarian Health for these fantastic photos from Susan G. Komen’s Race For The Cure event on April 18, 2009.
Let’s end this with Jeff Saturday sharing a part of himself through his autographs.
And, finally, I want to send a big shout out to Dwight Supremacy for this magnificent Jeff Saturday scan from ESPN Magazine. WOW!
Justin Smiley is currently a guard for the Miami Dolphins. He has this eternally babyface look and a killer smile to boot. But don’t be deceived, this beast is one mean mutha…
Here are further photographic evidence proving that this husky bear is unanimously guilty for being adorably and unbearably handsome…
And if you want videographic evidence, check out Justin Smiley’s Miami Dolphin’s Bio. Here’s a direct link to his videos. (These videos are so embedded that I was wondering if anybody out there knows how we can save these videos…)
And as we resume with the photographic evidence, here’s a photo set from dolphinstouchdownclub Flickr Photostream:
Finally, let’s end with my favorite photo here: