Dear ESPN Magazine: OMG. Thank you!
I was pretty harsh on ESPN Magazine’s 2010’s “The Body Issue” when Steven Holcomb’s godly physique was digitally altered. However, thanks to GE, he pinpointed me to ESPN Magazine’s “The Body Issue 2009: Battle Scars” which featured a close-up of Casey Hampton’s magnificent belly. Needless to say, seeing an almost-nude image of Mr. Hampton is an excellent way to win someone like me over — even though this was shot a year before the Holcomb-Gate fiasco. ^___^
Here is the link to the Flash Gallery of “The Body Issue 2009: Battle Scars”:
I can’t seem to embed this ESPN video, but you can briefly see him in an interview with all of the athletes — including Randy Couture — involved in that photo shoot.
Unfortunately, the Pittsburgh Steelers did not win the SuperBowl this year, so we’re gonna miss out on seeing a shirtless Casey Hampton at a SuperBowl Parade… 😦
The NFL is currently in a sticky bind trying to create a balanced and fair “harsh penalty” for players who would flagrantly hit and intentionally harm other players [ESPN]. I have been following this news and it basically resembles any workplace where management has no clue whatsoever what their employees would go through in their respective jobs. A frustrated defensive player who is being forced to make a split-second decision about the safety of his opponent is no different from any corporate America employee being told by management what to do when they haven’t even experienced their employees’ jobs firsthand at all.
In short, a sure-fire way to have a disgruntled employee is to make his or her job difficult. That’s pretty much the case with any human interactions, whether it be in sports, work, school, and, well, anything else.
However interesting that may be (lol), I am far more concerned with a much sinister and heinous argument that just might bring the NFL to even lower depths: people complaining about the increased exposure of armpits on the football field!
Paul Lukas has a hilarious commentary in his “Uni Watch” segment in ESPN.com called “Simply stated, these jerseys are the pits”:
Of course, being an Armpit Aficionado I am completely against his rally cry against the increased exposure of armpits in the NFL. To combat this, I will selectively choose some of Mr. Lukas’ points so that I could easily contradict him.
Let us begin our battle of “pits,” shall we?
But some players have been pushing the sleeveless style past the limits of visual propriety. For years, the poster child for this look has been Chris Hovan, who’s basically had his jersey tailored like a tank top, revealing more of his body than Uni Watch (or, most likely, anyone) wants to see.
Au contraire, Pepe Le Pew. The NFL is stacked to the brim with magnificent and imposing behemoths whose muscular and stocky builds are completely encumbered by needless jerseys, shoulder pads, and helmets. These men are our living mythical giants who, on any given Sunday, push their strengths and endurance to the limits for our entertainment. They are the wonders of our modern age, gladiators of a brutal sport, and the glue that binds people together as well as a polarizer of cities & communities. That being said, it would be totally awesome if football players were just shirtless. So, yes, there are people out there who actually respect and admire the human form. If a football player like Chris Hovan tailors his jersey like a tanktop, then that’s just a bonus for us fans and non-fans alike. Yes, there are people out there who appreciate Hovan’s armpits. As much as you probably enjoy watching the Lingerie Football League.
3. Ixnay on the exflay. Tired of the recent trend of players flexing like bodybuilders? That’s yet another byproduct of the faux sleeves. Wouldn’t be happening if the players’ upper arms were covered.
Seriously? Your number 3 reason for banning exposed armpits is because it would cause more football players to flex their muscles? And let’s just say that it’s true that all men in the world who wear sleeveless shirts severely suffer from Acute-Muscle-Flexing-Syndrome-Because-I’m-Wearing-A-Wifebeater, then what exactly is wrong with that? Men, especially men of the bigger variety, have the right to be proud of their bodies and strength. Of course there is a time and place to do so, in regards to sportsmanship versus showmanship, but please don’t blame the sleeveless jersey for causing men’s inherent desire to display their Alpha Maleness.
Okay. Now that I have conveniently avoided responding to Mr. Lukas’ finer & compelling points, let me pleasantly end my needless rant with a cavalcade of photos of Chris Hovan’s magnificent and spectacular armpits…
And to end on a finer rose-scented note, here is the Hovan family… Wow. I just love this image.
Once upon a time, when this blogger used to actually blog on a regular basis, he had put up a “Shirtless Saturday” post about a massive lineman for the New Orleans Saints, Sedrick Ellis. After a year and a few months later, he found out that LIFE Magazine did a photo shoot of him (unfortunately, their search engine is not too friendly; and a way to get to just 1 of his photo shoot is by going to this url). And I am begging all of the photo sleuths out there who could direct us to his Portrait Session as it would be greatly appreciated.
Anyway, let us now have the photos do the talking, for I am downright speechless…
He’s not shirtless in this video, but you can just see the majestic wonder of his ungodly physique as his massive bulk attempts to escape the confines of his tight-fitting shirt…
Hey there! Long time, no post. But it’s time to rectify that. Life and other things took over which was why I was absent for quite a long time. Life is still pretty hectic, but I will do my best to post as much as I can.
Sedrick Ellis, Defensive Tackle for New Orleans Saints
I’ve also changed the layout of this blog and hopefully you folks would like it…
A few months ago, Pat sent me an email about a metal group composed of four Dallas Cowboys players called “Free Reign” and I’ve been meaning to post about it but just “forgot” about it. (I’m sorry, Pat!) Two days ago, Brad sent me a video link to one of the woofy band member being shirtless and reenacting a very memorable/disturbing scene from Silence Of The Lambs. You just have to see it for yourself…
Point is, I seem tend to focus on any news concerning big guys being shirtless… 😉
I’ve posted about Richie Incognito quite a few times. You guys can’t blame me as he is one magnificent specimen of a stunning football biggin. And I must post this today because we actually have a video interview, ladies and gents… (He talks about last year’s incident when he taunted the St. Louis Rams’ fans after their 27-3 loss to the Chicago Bears.)
[Related Posts – Richie Incognito]
Now if there is a face that makes you want to describe as a “bullgoon,” then my dear friends that above photo of Stephen Peterman is a perfect example. I finally got to know who he was; I once posted his “unknown” photo here: Sometimes, You Just Wanna Say “Awwww”… But as a refresher, here is that unknown favorite photo again…
Speaking of LSU Tigers, chubby wonder twins John Goodman and Paul Rae are huge fans.
Stephen Peterman was then drafted by the Dallas Cowboys but he is currently playing for the Detroit Lions. Speaking of which, Detroit just got their first win yesterday, ending their 19-game losing streak (they haven’t won since December 23, 2007).